‘American Idol’: Jason Castro shot the sheriff (and himself)

Uncle. I give up. I called you rigged and you dumped my favorite. I came back for a Diamond and you gave me cubic zirconia. This week I turned the other cheek and you slapped it.

Tuesday was Rock and Roll Hall of Fame night on “American Idol” and the only one who didn’t bore, disappoint or unravel completely was David Archuleta. And even then, Little Archie picked ballads. Good ballads, but was it too much to ask for just one of the contestants to rock out? And no, I don’t count “Hungry Like the Wolf.”

On that note … after “I Shot the Sheriff” Simon wondered what Jason Castro was thinking. I think he was thinking of being himself, goofy Dread-head that he is. More on him in a minute.

What I really want to know is what Cookie Monster — up till now the frontrunner and the season’s “Rocker” — was thinking by picking any Duran Duran song, never mind “Hungry Like the Wolf.” And then doing NOTHING with it. (And I say that as a true Duran Duran fan, having seen Simon Le Bon rock that song in concert.)

Syesha still bores me. She’s talented and pretty and …. Eh. What’s her niche? What’s her style? Broadway? Go then. That’s not what I need from my Idol.

Back to Jason. Oye. I’ve made excuses for Jason and I was growing to like his style, but you can’t forget the lyrics when you’re down to the final four. Just give that silly grin and start humming? That wasn’t even phoned in; it was spitballed from the back of the class.

Little Archie slipped right through, even in that horrible black T-shirt with seagulls on it. Still, bad form, Simon, for complimenting Archie’s “Stand By Me” by insulting Jason yet again. We get it, you don’t like him, you don’t have to keep at him even when he’s off-stage.

Props to Dread-head for handling such constant pummeling with grace. He’s not Sanjaya – he has more talent and a true niche – and I doubt anyone else on that stage would’ve dealt with last week and this week with a smile and a shrug. If this sounds like a farewell speech it’s because I think it will be. Doubt he’ll miss any of us.

Unless popularity still rules...

At the top of the show, Ryan Seacrest said three of the top four had already been No. 1 in the votes. I’m guessing that makes you the odd woman out, Syesha.

If that still stands then it’ll be an all-male finale. I’m actually rooting for that. As much as I respect Syesha, I love how angry Jason’s presence makes Simon and Randy. That’s about the only interesting thing left to this season.

Song 1: “Hungry Like the Wolf”

Randy: One of the things I’m interested to see tonight is what songs you choose. That was an OK choice and a solid performance. That wasn’t amazing.

Paula: I think your “Hungry Like the Wolf” has left me with a huge appetite. A pleasure to watch you grow as a performer.

Simon: I thought it was good. I can see where Randy is coming from. You didn’t do what you’ve done previously, take a song and make it your own. Was it good enough at this point to get through to next week? Yes.

Duran Duran! You’re joking. Rock n Roll Hall of Fame and he picks a song with lyrics like “Strut on a line, its discord and rhyme/I howl and I whine I’m after you.”

(I always thought it was disco and rhyme.)

He didn’t seem to care much about the performance. Didn’t move around, didn’t engage. Simon is waaaay too easy on him, but I understand where he’s coming from: Anyone else – cough Jason cough - winning this competition would be bad news for him personally. He actually has to produce the record and sell it.

-------------------------------

Song 2: “Baba O' Riley”

Randy: There’s something a little different going on with you tonight. That’s more the David Cook I’ve grown to love.

Paula: I want more I want more I want more David Cook.

Simon: Welcome back, David Cook.

The “Teenage Wasteland” song. Beginning was great for me, then it got kind of typical and he did his usual scrunchy-faced yell at the end.

Really, though, this should’ve been his night to super-shine. Another “Billy Jean” would not have been too much to ask. I feel like he’s coasting a bit.

I thought Paula was going to explode like the Chicken Lady in “The Kids in the Hall.”

Song 1: “Proud Mary”

Randy: I’m laughing because what a different a couple of weeks make. She’s in the zone. Nice going. You got pretty good timing. You’re showing the heat late in the competition.

Paula: You look like a star. You started this competition as a pretty girl with a good voice and turned into beautiful woman with a magnetic voice.

Simon: I’m sorry to put a slight damper on this. For me, I thought it was just a shrieky version of (interrupted by boos)… a bad impersonation of Tina Turner.

I don’t think it was shrieky. I just think it was dull.

I’m not saying she can’t sing. She can. She’s also pretty and obviously comfortable performing. She just has nothing distinctive about her. Nothing unique that would make me recognize or look for her voice outside this stage.

But you can tell she really wants this.

-------------------------------

Song 2: “A Change Is Gonna Come”

Randy: The first song I loved, this one I did not love as much. I didn’t like the arrangement. It felt all disconnected trying to be something that it wasn’t.

Paula: (stands and claps) How you orchestrated your vocals – beautiful. You turned this into a superstar performance for me. “Change is Gonna Come.” You have changed. Welcome to your dream, Syesha, this is it for you.

Simon: I have to be fair. And I’m going to agree with Paula.

That wasn’t rockin’. She should be fighting for her life, bringing down the house like on Webber night.

She’s crying, emotional about lyrics. Good for her for digging deep. Still, I agree with you Randy; don’t get defensive!

Song 1: “I Shot the Sheriff”

Randy: Dude, for me that was a really karaoke Bob Marley. I don’t even … there was nothing special about it. You guys have to show you deserve to be in the finals now. Just wasn’t good for me.

Paula: I’ve never seen you perform more to the audience than that. Here’s the deal, Jason, I wasn’t crazy about the performance or the song. You’re so real, so genuine.

Simon: That was utterly atrocious. That is a song you do not touch. The arrangement was atrocious. This was like a first round audition massacre. I don’t know what you’re thinking.

If they had a special award for the most unlikely contestant singing the most un-“Idol” song, there’d be no one else but Jason Castro. They’d have to call it the Dread-Head Hippie Award.

I think Ryan’s right, Randy and Simon are angry. They don’t like him. Too bad, the fans clearly do. And all of it - the praise, the “massacre” – is rolling off those dreads. He doesn’t care what anyone says. And God love him for it.

---------------------

Song 2: “Mr. Tambourine Man”

Randy: How did you think that was? (Jason: I lost some lines in there.) Jason’s not in the zone tonight.

Paula: It is what it is. At this point in the competition, you guys have solidified your niche. It didn’t blow us away but you blow me away.

Simon: Jason, I’d pack your suitcase.

Forgot the lyrics. Way to rub yourself out. (Although … forgetting the lyrics didn’t hurt Brooke right away.)

Carly Smithson in the audience, looking stony-faced.

Well, Jason doesn’t seem too fazed. He probably wants to leave. And after Simon’s Mean Daddy comments, I would too.

I started out not liking Jason, then I came to his defense and now I’m just irritated. His casual attitude borders on insulting. Then again, after last week, this show does deserve a Bronx cheer.

Song 1: “Stand by Me”

Randy: There’s four of you left, at least there’s one guy who hits it every time. He brought the hot man vocals.

Paula: We all forget that you are way beyond your years. What I really admire is a couple of weeks ago, Andrew Lloyd Webber said deliver the song with your eyes. You’re taking everything we say good and bad and throwing out what you don’t need. You’re seasoned.

Simon: The truth is you could’ve whistled a song and it would’ve sounded better than the last one. I thought you struggled a little bit at the end of it. Little bit. In the grand scheme of things I’m going to call that the best performance so far.

After his speech about singing the song in his room to himself or his dog … he could’ve burped into the mic and I would’ve beamed at him. The Charm Factor was on 9.

“Stand By Me” is closer to the song choices I was expecting from this night. A far cry from “Hungry Like the Wolf.” Just an OK performance, though.

One question and I apologize in advance for the caps: WHAT IS WITH THAT SEAGULL T-SHIRT? Someone actually dressed him in that. Unreal.

-------------------------------

Song 2: “Love Me Tender”

Randy: Another great performance for you. I like how you were so tender. The hot vocals of the night.

Paula: That was one of my favorite performances from you.

Simon: You didn’t beat the competition tonight, you crushed the competition.

Yes. Sooo glad someone picked Elvis. Perfect for him. Didn’t see enough pelvic action, though. Kidding! He’s a baby teddy bear. I’m just saying, it wouldn’t kill him to work it. (It might kill the girls in the front row, though.)