Imagine the testosterone-soaked joy of having a professional quality urinal in your home. Envision screaming “Valhalla!” while you pee standing up—not because you want to, but because you must.
Unfortunately, the primary obstacle to this essential right of manhood is usually the being least likely to use it—a wife or girlfriend. If any lady has a say in your home fixtures, she’s not likely to sign off on something her salty leavings will never grace.
Rick Conway, professional plumber and owner of CP Conway Plumbing in Milwaukee, says the lady might have somewhat of a point. Such an installation is expensive and doesn’t accomplish much ecologically.
Related: 4 Things You Never Want to See in Your Pee
“There’s really no benefit to (installing a urinal),” Conway explains. “You don’t use much less water since more modern and efficient toilets use around .1.6 gallons of water per flush, and a urinal about 1.8.”
The cost of the equipment and installation makes it a tough sell, also. Kyle Hokel, a Sanitary Product Engineer for toilet king Kohler, tells us urinal prices range from $200 to $2000. That doesn’t include the two to three grand it costs for a contractor installation.
“Kohler’s offerings vary in size from 14” by 21”-inches and 33 lb. to 19” by 32” and 83 lb,” Hokel, says. “Because of the weight and the cost, we don’t recommend installation as a DIY job.”
With the winds of practicality blowing in your face, you’re going to need one or more of the following five explanations to get your lady friend onboard for your below the belt installation.
1. A urinal will end the eternal “Seat Up Wars.”
For many women, a man’s unwillingness to put a toilet seat down after relieving himself is a greater tragedy than the sinking of the Lusitania. But with the addition of a urinal, the toilets in your home will suddenly become seated-only environments.
There isn’t a man alive who will use a toilet for peeing if a urinal is available. So there’s no need for the seat to be anywhere but down.
2. A urinal will preserve the bathroom floor
Yes, we’re all well aware that guys can occasionally be terrible shots. (We’re talking pee, not guns, in case that wasn’t clear.)
Whether we’re groggy from sleep or just not paying attention, sometimes we miss, and our pee ends up on the floor, on the toilet seat, and anywhere else that happens to be within range.
Related: The Right Way to Pee in the Dark While Half-Asleep
The ergonomics of a urinal make it nigh impossible for our urine to end up anywhere but on porcelain. (The public bathroom at the New York Port Authority Bus Terminal notwithstanding.) That translates to better bathroom hygiene for everybody.
3. A urinal means that the toilet is now essentially hers
It’s not like you’ll stop using the toilet entirely. But now you’ll only be using it for pooping. For all intents and purposes, the toilet is hers.
She can turn the sit-down commode into a personal craft project, if she wants. Encourage her to paint it, or add little curtains around it, or color coordinate it any damn way she likes.
Hey, fair is fair. You got the toilet of your dreams, so she might as well get the toilet of hers.
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4. A urinal will increase your home’s property value
This is a difficult one to prove on paper. Technically, it’s not true. The resale value of your house won’t be going up because of the addition of a urinal. At least not until prospective buyers show up to see the house, and one of those buyers has a penis.
“(A urinal) would not increase or decrease the value, but it might sell it faster if a guy is the buyer,” says Barbara Kreglow, a real estate agent with RE/MAX in Orange Park, Florida.
Think about it: You’re looking for a new house with your wife. You spend the week touring countless properties. They all start to blur together after awhile. But there was that one house that had a urinal. You can’t get it out of your mind. A urinal!
When the time comes to discuss the options with your wife, which one do you think you’ll be rooting for? The urinal house, of course.
Well what are you waiting for? Go install that urinal
