The Patriots looked great. The Eagles and Vikings looked flat. The Cowboys combined a little bit of both. The Rams and Raiders looked like they just learned they were supposed to play a game about 15 minutes before kickoff.

But does any of it mean anything?

Digest is here to separate preseason signal from preseason noise and tell you whose stocks are really rising and falling after two weeks of action. Plus:

• First looks at veteran quarterbacks shaking off the offseason rust

• Real talk about rookie quarterbacks and their supporting casts

• Deep dives into the Chargers and Saints as they try to conquer their injury and playoff-blunder demons, respectively

• Totally balanced (chuckle) debates about this week's hot-button topics

• A celebration of the worst preseason game ever

• Kicker battles

...and much, much more!

Risers and Fallers: Rookie WRs Are Hot, Vikings and Eagles Are Not

Some teams answered questions this week. Others raised them. Here's a look at whose stock is rising and whose is falling. Responses of "it's only preseason, so no one cares" are welcomed and encouraged, though we're not sure why you chose to read this far in the first place if you feel that way.

Stock rising: Atlanta Falcons

The Falcons' starters and top backups would have completely dominated the Chiefs if not for a pair of failed fourth-down conversions in scoring range. Enjoy the balanced, experienced offense and fast, aggressive defense, and try not to think about the team's history of losing playoff games to bad play-calling decisions in scoring range.

Stock falling: Minnesota Vikings offense

Latavius Murray fumbled twice, losing one of them. Kirk Cousins threw a near-interception and never established any rhythm. Yes, Dalvin Cook should supplant Murray and the Vikings were facing a great Jaguars defense. No, they looked nothing like a team ready to avenge what happened in last year's NFC Championship Game.

Stock rising: Dallas Cowboys defense

Chidobe Awuzie made a leaping interception. Taco Charlton recorded a sack. Randy Gregory played a few snaps. The youngsters the Cowboys are relying on flew around and made plays against the Bengals starters and top backups.

Stock falling: Dallas Cowboys offensive line

Travis Frederick missed Saturday's game with a neck stinger. Zack Martin left the game with a leg injury. Neither injury is considered serious, but the Cowboys have zero margin for error on their star-studded offensive line, which is tasked with compensating for their Big 12-caliber receivers and tight ends.

Stock rising: Rookie wide receivers

Calvin Ridley made an impact as a receiver and a returner for the Falcons. James Washington's knack for hauling in deep jump balls will give him an immediate role in the Steelers offense. If Christian Kirk turns any more catches in traffic upfield for positive yardage, Larry Fitzgerald is going to start accidentally calling the Cardinals rookie "Anquan."

Stock also rising: Beleaguered second-year receivers

Shelton Gibson has been a revelation for the Eagles after dropping everything but his own gloves last preseason. Taywan Taylor looks like a big-play machine for the Titans after a quiet rookie year. Mike Williams is healthy and making contested catches for the Chargers. Even Bengals speedster John Ross has 20- and 29-yard receptions. It has taken eight targets for Ross to get them, but still: There's hope for guys we were ready to give up on after last year.

Stock falling: Rookie running backs

Saquon Barkley is nursing a bad hamstring. Sony Michel and Rashaad Penny are out for a while with injuries. Ronald Jones has 12 carries for 11 yards for the Buccaneers. Barkley and others will bounce back, of course, and rookies like Royce Freeman played fairly well this weekend. Still, look for more committee backfields than Todd Gurley/Ezekiel Elliott-style breakouts this season.

Stock rising: Chad Kelly

The Broncos have found their backup quarterback. Or maybe their starter? Kelly was sharp, while Case Keenum looked like a rickety journeyman (imagine that) and Paxton Lynch is just waiting for Emperor Elway to give the Thumbs Down signal. Beware of Kelly, though, Broncos fans. Throwing the ball has never been his problem. It's everything else.

Stock falling: Blake Bortles

Bortles threw an ugly pick over the middle and a near-identical pass that bounced off three Vikings defenders before falling incomplete. He settled down after that, but he was supposed to have settled down last November.

Stock rising: Teddy Bridgewater

The greatest quarterback the Jets have ever been in a hurry to get rid of.

Stock falling: AJ McCarron and Nathan Peterman

McCarron's collarbone injury will prevent the Bills from stacking him on Peterman's shoulders, throwing a trench coat over them and naming new quarterback Vincent Adultman the starter over Josh Allen.

Stock rising: New England Patriots

It's adorable how they disguise themselves as businesslike and as being above such considerations as revenge and then run the score up on the Eagles in the first half like it's a 2007 Dolphins game. But yeah, they look good—and just a bit angry.

Stock falling: Philadelphia Eagles

The Philly Phaithful are now tracking both Nick Foles' shoulder injury and Carson Wentz's timetable (he's cleared for 11-on-11 work but not full contact) and hoping the two trend lines don't converge at the point where Nate Sudfeld is the opening-night starter.

Point-Counterpoint

There are two sides to every story. This is the segment where Digest pretends to present both of them.

Teddy Bridgewater's excellent preseason leaves the Jets with too many options at starting quarterback.

Point: Some bold, innovative team should offer the Jets a Jimmy Garoppolo-like trade, give Bridgewater two or three seasons of starter's money (a Case Keenum-like deal) and set itself up with a young franchise starter at moderate risk and cause. It would be a win-win-win.

Counterpoint: Bold, innovative teams are rarely looking for quarterbacks in late August...or to do business with the Jets unless they think they can fleece 'em.

The Redskins, facing a running back injury crisis, will host Adrian Peterson on Monday.

Point: Peterson finished next-to-last among regularly used running backs in rushing efficiency last season, with minus-85 defense-adjusted yards above replacement (DYAR), according to Football Outsiders, and also had minus-23 DYAR receiving. So perhaps Washington should just wait until roster cuts to see if any younger, cheaper options shake loose. 

Counterpoint: Washington pursuing an over-the-hill, set-in-his-ways veteran? How can anyone refuse a one-way ticket on the Donovan McNabb Express to Albert Haynesworthville!

Jalen Ramsey rips quarterbacks around the NFL in a GQ feature.

Point: If cornerbacks start making fun of Joe Flacco and Josh Allen themselves, a lot of us are going to end up losing our jobs.

Counterpoint: Let's all act surprised when this charmingly outspoken rapscallion publicly vivisects Blake Bortles after his first two-interception game.

John Elway says Colin Kaepernick "had his chance" to play for the Broncos but passed on his (pre-protest) contract offer.

Point: Go get 'em, boss! Nothing strengthens your side of a collusion argument like misleading public statements about a low-ball offer made long before all the fuss started.

Counterpoint: If the CEO in any other industry stood at a press conference and said, "Gee, it may be legally sketchy to publicize this, but I have chosen not to address a position of critical need, currently manned by my catastrophic pet project and my buddy's nephew, because I'm miffed at the most qualified candidate for turning me down two years ago," do you think shareholders would care whether the real reasons were political?

Attendance at Cowboys training camp in Oxnard, California, was down 30 percent from last year.

Point: So, the Cowboys dropped from 13 wins to nine, lost two of their biggest stars with no significant additions, and now fans in a demographically different region 1,500 miles from where they play are less likely to watch them practice? THIS CAN ONLY BE THE PROTESTERS' FAULT!

Counterpoint: Seriously, if some of these NFL owners had to compete in an industry where fans didn't line up with their wallets in their hands to watch the practice-field grass grow, they'd starve to death in hours.

Rookie QB Digest

Each week during the preseason, Digest will make a big fuss over this year's five first-round rookie quarterbacks. This week, we'll also take a look at the players surrounding the rookies.

Josh Allen, Bills

Allen gave his anti-aircraft arm a night off and showed off his nimble footwork instead. He slid around some shaky pockets to buy time for a touchdown pass to Rod Streater and some other productive short throws. From a rookie-quarterback-development standpoint, proving you can buy time to find open receivers is much more impressive than last week's 60-yard passes to receivers 55 yards away.

Supporting cast update: Allen threw passes to Streater, Kelvin Benjamin, Andre Holmes and Khari Lee. No, he wasn't playing in the fourth quarter: The Bills receiving corps consists of practice squad hopefuls, guys the Raiders gave up on in 2015 and a dude who flinches if he hears Cam Newton's voice, plus Jeremy Kerley. Allen is progressing well, but things will get ugly when starting defenders start game-planning for these receivers. 

Sam Darnold, Jets

Darnold was crisp, poised and decisive in his first start Thursday, but his two significant drives ended with rookie mistakes: a sack (Darnold held the ball too long) that forced the Jets to settle for a field goal and an interception on a fourth-down conversion attempt.

Supporting cast update: Left tackle Brent Qvale (subbing for Kelvin Beachum) looked like he was plucked from a temp agency, and right guard Jonotthan Harrison (filling in for Brian Winters) wasn't much better. Beachum and Winters are expected back by the regular season, so maybe the veteran quarterbacks should handle Darnold's stunt work until the offensive line is straightened out.

Baker Mayfield, Browns

Mayfield's first two drives went nowhere. He then began operating smoothly in the pocket and firing downfield passes like a veteran. Two near-touchdowns to Derrick Willies were nullified by offensive pass interference and a booth review (of a catch that could also have been called offensive pass interference). Given a more accomplished receiver than Willies to throw to, Mayfield's two-touchdown stat line would have the football world demanding his immediate promotion to the starting lineup.

Supporting cast update: Who the heck are Willies, Devon Cajuste, Da'Mari Scott and Damion Ratley? How on earth can a team with 4,000 draft picks over the last three years have such obscure players on the same field as the first overall pick? Why is Mayfield relegated to throwing to these Hard Knocks storyline guys? Psychoanalyzing Hue Jackson is both more interesting and more relevant to the Browns' future than scrutinizing Mayfield.

Josh Rosen, Cardinals

Rosen led a pair of scoring drives against a Saints defense that still had some starters on the field. He displayed arm strength (see: the touchdown to Christian Kirk), touch, good footwork, a willingness to check down and headiness (he spiked a pass batted back at him so it could not be intercepted). Rosen still uncorks wild pitches and will wait too long before throwing into traffic, but he was much sharper Friday than in his debut.

Supporting cast update: Rosen took snaps from actual center Mason Cole this week, which means he didn't spend the evening scooping up ground balls. On the other hand, the Cardinals offensive line has looked pretty bad through two games.

Lamar Jackson, Ravens

No, we didn't move him to wide receiver. He plays Monday night, folks.

Veteran QB Digest

Several established veteran starters saw their first significant action this weekend after wearing baseball caps and drinking Gatorade in the preseason openers. How did they look? Funny you should ask.

Philip Rivers (6-of-7 for 62 yards): Rivers threw across his body, threw off his back foot and did other things that would make an incoming rookie quarterback slide down the draft board. It was vintage Rivers, in other words, and it was gorgeous. What's left of the Seahawks defense was powerless to stop it in the first quarter.

Aaron Rodgers (2-of-4 for 35 yards, 1 TD): Rodgers disliked everything he saw when he dropped back to pass, held the ball too long and scrambled around to make things happen, yet still delivered a scoring strike. He's in midseason form, in other words, and his touchdown strike to Jimmy Graham could be the shape of things to come.

Matt Ryan (5-of-7, 90 yards, 1 TD): Ryan played like a man who didn't like seeing his name tossed around in GQ. He challenged the Chiefs defense downfield and made throws on the run. The Falcons moved the ball without Julio Jones and Devonta Freeman (rest). That bodes well for the regular season, when they will have to move the ball without really knowing how to use Jones and Freeman.

Alex Smith (4-of-6 for 48 yards): Smith efficiently moved the ball downfield on short passes before faltering in the red zone and settling for a field goal. Just like Kirk Cousins, in other words.

Matthew Stafford (2-of-5, 51 yards): Stafford threw one 42-yard slant-and-run to Theo Riddick. Otherwise, he spent two drives getting little support from his running game, pass protection or play-calling. Just like 2016-17 Stafford, in other words. Stafford clutched his arm after taking a hit on his final play, but he has not turned up on any injury reports. Good thing: If anything happens to Stafford, the entire Lions organization will simply poof out of existence, Infinity Gauntlet-style.

Tom Brady (19-of-26, 172 yards, 2 TDs): The preseason equivalent of six months of crying on your therapist's couch while punching an Eagles-shaped pillow.

Preseason Digest: Los Angeles Chargers

Each week during the preseason, Digest will highlight a pair of teams with legit playoff aspirations and take a deep dive into their training camps. First up this week are the Los Angeles Chargers, the team that everyone claims no one is talking about.

What's new

The ancient Aztec injury curse that plagues the Chargers each offseason claimed tight end Hunter Henry and cornerback Jason Verrett but left a playoff-caliber roster mostly intact. New faces include center Mike Pouncey, dueling kickers Caleb Sturgis and Roberto Aguayo and a bunch of young players who missed 2017 because of last year's ancient Aztec injury curse.

What to watch

• Receiver Mike Williams, injured last season, has been solid in camp and made some big-time catches in preseason games. Williams should claim a role as a possession target to complement Keenan Allen, which will help the Chargers adjust to the loss of Henry.

• Offensive lineman Forrest Lamp, the other first-round pick sacrificed to the injury volcano last year, was activated off the PUP list early last week and should soon return to team drills. Lamp will push for a starting job at guard for a team that likes to run Melvin Gordon between the tackles to take pressure off Philip Rivers.

• Virgil Green is the nominal starter at tight end in place of Henry, but Green has been a nominal NFL starter for seven years. Sean Culkin has been getting a lot of buzz in camp, but Culkin is more of a blocking specialist than a true replacement for Henry. The Chargers recently signed Je'Ron Hamm, who has two NFL receptions in four years with five organizations, and there's still talk of dragging Antonio Gates out of retirement. This is all noteworthy because the Chargers typically leave themselves with an obvious fatal flaw (see: last year's kickers) that keeps them out of the postseason.

• The Chargers secondary calls itself the Jack Boys, which...sounds like something Tobias Funke dreamed up. ESPN.com's Eric D. Williams reported that veterans coined the nickname two years ago, but for some reason it has never caught on. Perhaps they should say "Jack Boys" into a tape recorder and listen to how it sounds? But anyway, the Chargers secondary should be strong this year, even with Verrett at his usual corner table on the injured reserve. Rookie safety Derwin James and second-year corner-safety hybrid Desmond King are expected to be major additions to a corps anchored by Pro Bowler Casey Hayward. It helps that when Melvin Ingram and Joey Bosa are rushing the passer, no one has to cover a receiver for very long.

• Look for more on the Chargers kickers in a later segment of this week's Digest!

Bottom line

The Chargers have the front-line talent of a Super Bowl team in Rivers, Gordon, Allen, Bosa, Ingram and Hayward. They also have miserable luck, a knack for not getting the pieces to fit properly and a temporary home stadium that opposing fans use as an AirBnB. The injury deities have shown relative mercy on them this year, so it's up to the Chargers to help themselves now, before Rivers gets too old and/or young stars like Bosa and Gordon become too expensive.

Preseason Digest: New Orleans Saints

Digest continues its twice-weekly training camp deep dives on teams with legit playoff aspirations. Next up are the Saints, who have not yet unveiled Drew Brees this preseason, because they really don't have to.

What's new

The team that came within a fluke play of the NFC Championship Game last year is back intact, and that's a good thing. Raw rookie pass-rush phenom Marcus Davenport is the most noteworthy new face.

What to watch

• Brees may not have seen any preseason action yet, but his offensive line has. Starters Terron Armstead, Andrus Peat, Max Unger, Larry Warford and Ryan Ramczyk played a pair of series together Friday against the Cardinals. That means the whole Saints line (including Peat, who was injured in the playoffs last year), which Football Outsiders ranked second in the NFL in both run blocking and pass protection, is returning this year and should be 100 percent healthy for the season opener.

• Davenport returned to practice this weekend after missing several weeks with a groin injury. The rookie edge-rusher is expected to make his preseason debut next week. He has a history of starting slowly and then dominating once he figures things out, so don't overreact if he gets overwhelmed on his first NFL snaps.

• Jonathan Williams may have the inside track to earn some carries during Mark Ingram's four-game suspension. Williams has fared well in a pair of preseason games, and his size and power make him a better complement to Alvin Kamara than Shane Vereen and Terrance West.

• Taysom Hill badly flunked his shot to be Brees' primary backup Friday, throwing a pair of interceptions and fumbling in early-game work. That means (sigh) Tom Savage will likely back up Brees, with Hill returning to a hybrid Joe Webb-type role as a special teamer/emergency quarterback and with J.T. Barrett fighting for the practice squad. The Saints would be ideal Teddy Bridgewater suitors if they weren't perpetually wedged against the salary cap ceiling.

• The Saints unveiled a new banner on the overpass where visiting team buses enter the Superdome, which reads, in all caps, "ON BEHALF OF 70,000 PROUD FANS, WELCOME TO YOUR LAST FEW MOMENTS OF SILENCE." It's a great idea, and other teams should come up with similar stadium catchphrases, like the Chargers (WELCOME, OUT-OF-TOWNERS AND SOCCER FANS), Redskins (SORRY/NOT SORRY ABOUT THE BROOM-CLOSET-SIZED VISITOR'S LOCKER ROOM), Patriots (MAYBE THERE SHOULD BE MORE THAN ONE ACCESS ROAD TO THIS STADIUM) and COWBOYS (I AM JERRY JONES, LOOK UPON MY WORKS, YE MIGHTY, AND DESPAIR).

Bottom line

The Saints have fewer question marks than just about all NFL teams and also get to open their season against the Buccaneers (without Jameis Winston) and Browns. A hot start for a team that's healthy and hungry can make a big difference in the NFC. None of the other contenders want to experience those last few moments of silence before a playoff game in New Orleans.

Who's That Guy?

Ever see a name at the top of a preseason stat sheet and think: Who the heck is that guy? Maybe he's a fantasy super-sleeper. Maybe he just ran for 60 yards in the fourth quarter after the opponent's defensive coordinator fell asleep. Maybe he's a little of both.

Leave it to Digest to scour the stats and the bottoms of depth charts to tell you what you need to know about this weekend's random heroes.

Mike Boone, running back, Vikings (13 carries for 91 yards and one TD vs. the Jaguars)

Who's that guy? An undrafted rookie out of Cincinnati, Boone is locked in a bottom-of-the-roster battle with fellow undrafted rookie Roc Thomas and journeyman Mack Brown. Thomas caught 78- and 13-yard touchdown passes in the preseason opener, so cuts are going to be tough. An impressive afternoon against the deep Jaguars defense (when the rest of the Vikings offense looked like it was just there to provide Jalen Ramsey with ammunition) could make Boone a priority roster pickup if he's cut.

Reggie Gilbert, edge-rusher, Packers (2.5 sacks vs. the Steelers)

Who's that guy? A perennial Packers training camp superstar who recorded two sacks in the 2017 preseason and 1.5 in the 2016 preseason. Gilbert has slowly worked his way up from the practice squad to the active roster and looks ready to be part of the pass-rush rotation this year after strong games against the Steelers and Titans and standout performances in scrimmages. Gilbert is versatile enough to slide around as a third pass-rusher, and coordinator Mike Pettine is creative enough to find spots for him. 

Marcus Murphy, running back, Bills (74 preseason rushing yards, one TD, 39-yard punt return vs. the Browns)

Who's that guy? A 2015 seventh-round pick who returned punts for the Saints as a rookie, bounced around some practice squads and resurfaced to get some carries for the Bills late last year. Murphy ran for a touchdown in the preseason opener and couldn't quite reach the pylon for a second touchdown last week. He's behind other Saints castoffs (Chris Ivory, Travaris Cadet) in the battle to back up LeSean McCoy. But Murphy has both versatility and the Bills' preference for gutsy try-hards on his side.

Ifeadi Odenigbo, defensive line, Vikings (two sacks vs. the Jaguars)

Who's that guy? The Vikings drafted Odenigbo in the seventh round last year and stashed him on the practice squad as they transitioned him from the edge to defensive tackle. Coaches asked him to move back to end Saturday because of an injury rash, and he responded with a pair of sacks. "I think this might've been a sign from God saying, 'You can do more,'" Odenigbo told Dane Mizutani of the St. Paul Pioneer Press. Was the Lord really watching the second half of Vikings-Jaguars? Well, he surely forsook Raiders-Rams.

Detrez Newsome, running back, Chargers (19 carries for 78 yards, three catches for 22 yards against the Seahawks)

Who's that guy? Newsome is an undrafted rookie from Western Carolina, the most obscure of the directional Carolinas. The Chargers played Melvin Gordon but rested Austin Ekeler and Gordon's other regular backups in a clever attempt to confuse the Angry Aztec Injury Diety who haunts them. Newsome won't make this roster but could make some other one.

Chris Warren, running back, Raiders (31 carries for 196 yards and one TD in the preseason)

Who's that guy? Are we sure Jon Gruden knows this is the burly, plodding, one-dimensional son of the former Seahawks workhorse and not the actual former Seahawks workhorse? It's important for us to be certain that Gruden knows this.

Kicker Battles! Kicker Battles! Kicker Battles!

There is nothing Digest likes better than a good kicker battle. Since there aren't many of those this year, we'll make do with what we have:

Caleb Sturgis vs. Roberto Aguayo (Chargers): Aguayo handled all the kicking Saturday, nailing a 39-yard field goal and all his extra points. Sturgis badly shanked a short field goal in the preseason opener but outperformed Aguayo in practice this week. Anthony Lynn is open to the possibility of keeping two kickers after last year's field-goal catastrophes. He wasn't very specific about keeping these two kickers.

Jason Sanders vs. Greg Joseph (Dolphins): Seventh-round pick Sanders is 5-of-6 in the preseason, with his only miss from 53 yards. Joseph, an undrafted rookie, is 2-of-2 with 48- and 54-yard strikes. Joseph shanked a kickoff out of bounds in the preseason opener, but otherwise both have been fine on kickoffs. This battle is too close to call, or at least too close to call given the amount of attention we are willing to spend on a Dolphins kicker battle, which is barely enough to get to the end of this senten...

Aldrick Rosas vs. Marshall Koehn (Giants): This low-key semi-battle should be over after Rosas nailed a 55-yarder and Koehn missed an extra point against the Lions. Koehn also struggled in joint practices this week with the Lions while kicking into Matt Prater's custom, extra-narrow goal posts. Maybe other kickers should practice with custom, extra-narrow goal posts. Maybe the Chargers should get some custom extra-wides for self-esteem purposes.

Cairo Santos vs. Taylor Bertolet (Jets): Santos has missed most of camp with "leg tightness." Bertolet is 3-of-3 on field goals and perfect on extra points in the preseason; positive reviews of Bertolet have also trickled out of camp. It's hard to tell if Santos is out of the picture, Bertolet (who has knocked around camps since 2016) is a real challenger or the Jets are planning to scour the kicker wires on Labor Day, because the Jets are weirdly secretive about minor things, as if being coy about kickers will prompt some team to call and offer two first-round picks for Teddy Bridgewater or something.

Jason Myers vs. Sebastian Janikowski (Seahawks): Janikowski has kicked a 25-yarder and two extra points in the preseason. Myers has kicked 33- and 43-yarders. Practice reports have been scant and inconclusive. This battle may come down to the Seahawks figuring out whether they think of themselves as a lean, young, rebuilding team or the groaning, animated zombie of a former champion that needs to pay a little extra for a 40-year-old kicker so it can go 7-9 instead of 6-10.

Digest Commemorates the Worst Preseason Game in Human History

Raiders at Rams. Sounds great on paper, even in the preseason. Both teams have gobs of new veterans to get ready for the season. The cross-generational wunderkind battle between Sean McVay and Jon Gruden is a compelling storyline.

Who knew that Raiders-Rams would turn out to be one of the worst preseason games in the history of Western civilization?

Here's what happened:

• Derek Carr, Jared Goff, Todd Gurley, Marshawn Lynch, Doug Martin, Martavis Bryant, Brandin Cooks, Amari Cooper, Jordy Nelson, most of the noteworthy offensive linemen, Marcus Peters, Ndamukong Suh, Aqib Talib and of course holdouts Aaron Donald and Khalil Mack did not play in the game. That's a staggering number of starters to rest on a weekend when Tom Brady played a full freakin' half.

• Connor Cook started at quarterback for the Raiders; Sean Mannion for the Rams. If the Colin Kaepernick collusion case gained sentience and produced its own football telecast, it would be a Cook-Mannion quarterback duel on national television.

• The Raiders offense netted 58 first-half yards and one first down, punting five times and fumbling twice. The first five drives of the game were three-and-outs by both teams.

• The Rams scored the first points of the game when Cook fumbled (comically) and Mannion needed six plays and a timeout to move the Rams 15 yards. John Kelly fumbled while crossing the goal line on fourth down, but he recovered it for a touchdown.

• EJ Manuel replaced Cook for the Raiders, but Cook returned to play the third quarter and Manuel the fourth, because when all the starters and top backups are resting, it really matters who gets reps with the remaining randos.

• The Rams made it 13-0 before halftime when Manuel fumbled (comically) at the Raiders' 25-yard line. Mannion threw an apparent interception, but the defender did not get both feet in bounds; a Rams lineman was hurt on the play, and the Raiders were flagged for roughness after a shoving match. It was as if some cosmic force was filling out a bingo card of ineptitude. Mannion could not move the Rams the final nine yards, so they settled for a field goal.

• The second half consisted mostly of Chris Warren's son running up the middle against guys with no hope of making the Rams roster, while Brandon Allen proved that there are worse quarterbacks on NFL rosters than Mannion and Cook. It was somehow more entertaining and informative than the first half.

Why it matters: Yes, the Raiders and Rams meet in the season opener, so there was a reason for both teams to show as little as possible. Of course, the teams practiced for two days against each other, so...maybe it was a little silly to rest every single significant player?

Terrible games like this one underline just how useless 95 percent of the preseason is for coaches and players. If the Raiders' starting offense does not need reps to master timing or a new offense, if Goff is somehow so established after one good year that he gets the Drew Brees treatment in preseason and if all the Raiders and Rams were doing Saturday afternoon was filling out the bottom 10 positions on their rosters, then what's the point of playing four preseason games?

Then again, coaches like Bill Belichick made their starters play this weekend. Maybe they know more about getting their teams ready to win in 2018 than the past and present Boy Geniuses. It's worth considering.

Next Week, on "Hard Knocks"...

And now, a scene from Browns headquarters, in front of a mysterious vending machine:

Hue Jackson: What's the story with this large box that arrived during my midafternoon nap?

Todd Haley: It's full of domestic light beer. It's supposed to unlock when we win our first game in two years.

Gregg Williams: First defender to snap it in half gets all the beer!

Haley: Stop it, Gregg! You can't wreck a sponsor's property! It's not a hotel room!

Williams: Let's see if your boys on offense can stop me!

Jackson: Stop being so competitive, fellas. That's not how we do things around here. Let's ask the players for input.

Jarvis Landry: Eff the effing thing up with an effing crowbar.

Antonio Callaway: I have some buddies who will move it for you. You only have to pay them in Twinkies.

Tyrod Taylor: Guys, I just want you to know my name is supposed to be pronounced TEE-road.

Mysterious costumed figure: I say we lose on purpose for two more years. Then this vending machine increases in value and becomes a collector's item. It's simple economics as I understand them.

Haley: That costume isn't fooling anyone, Sashi Brown. I thought they deactivated your key card.

Mysterious costumed figure (who is clearly Sashi Brown): I hacked the security system. Analytics!

Williams: First defender who murderizes the computer geek gets a discount oil change coupon!

Jackson: No, that mysterious figure was onto something. Three more years of rebuilding, then we sell this beer vending machine as an antique! Imagine the job security! What do you think of being named the unquestioned starter for three more years, Tyrod?

Taylor: It's TOE-read.

Jackson: It's what I say it is. Now Todd: Start smashing dents into the sides of the vending machine.

Haley: I love a little of the ol' ultra-violence. But Hue, if we are saving it for its collector's value, shouldn't we keep it in mint condition? Smashing it would be like, I dunno, taking over a long-range rebuilding team and not bothering to develop any of the young players.

Jackson: If you were in position, you would understand, oh mere underling whose qualifications match and probably exceed mine.

Williams: My defenders will do it for you! Grrrr!

Haley: No! Stop! I am not 100 percent in agreement with this decision!

(Entire Browns organization erupts in Warcraft-style melee)

Josh Gordon: Hey guys, I am back and 100 percent committed to sobriety! What have you been up to?

Jackson: We're…um…fighting each other over free beer that celebrates our organizational dysfunction.

Gordon: Oh. It sure was a great decision to televise all of this. If anyone needs me, I will be hoping that someone trades me to a real organization for draft picks.

Mysterious costumed figure: Sorry, pal. It's too late for that.