Perhaps you were all geared up for some details around the “salacious and unverified” rumors James Comey was supposed to discuss at today’s Senate hearing, but instead got several hours of sober testimony on mostly established information. Just as the world was ready to breathe a sigh of disappointment, though, centrist media pundit Kurt Eichenwald (of Vanity Fair, MSNBC, and Newsweek fame) hopped on Twitter to inform the world of his interest in tentacle porn. In what was part of a larger attack on bowtie-wearing fuckstick Tucker Carlson, Eichenwald sent an image of his computer screen:
Eichenwald has loads of enemies on the left and the right who quickly zeroed in on one of his tabs, which was apparently a search for “B-Chiku,” an extremely hardcore hentai. (Do not Google it.) He began getting owned for this almost immediately, and, to his credit, he did not delete the original tweet. His excuse, however, is not the best:
Ah, the classic “this tentacle porn was for my wife and children” excuse. We’ve all been there! While there isn’t really a good way to bounce back after something like this—logging off for the week seems like the best idea—this did not stop people from lining up to dunk all over Eichenwald for the remainder of the day.
born too soon to explore the galaxy
born too late to explore the seas
born just in time to hear kurt eichenwald explain tentacle hentai— MC@kawakami’s lap (@commiesona) June 8, 2017
Fair warning: Do not do much more searching along these lines unless you have an extremely tolerant workplace environment. Eichenwald is a uniquely reviled figure on the internet, a former Republican and current hardline Democratic party loyalist whose centrism managed to so infuriate 4chan trolls that one sent him a flashing GIF that then gave Eichenwald a seizure. On the left, he’s viewed as a symbol of the Democratic party’s shameful conservatism, a toady who represents the troubling neoliberal throughline between George W. Bush and Barack Obama. He’s been a frequent dabbler in conspiracy theories since Trump took office, and, like many in the political media sphere, seems to sort of be coming unhinged from reality.
All of which is to say: Look, Kurt, if you like tentacle porn, that’s all you. Leave out the wife and kids, though.